Tuesday, September 15, 2009

A True Match

Disclaimer: I totally am interested in an atmosphere of peace between India and China and seriously dont want war. So please read the post below knowing this, before you start accusing me of being narrow-minded and fight-mongering.

Nuclear wars are potta-thanam. I mean, seriously! One country will bomb somewhere in the other country'aam. Thousands (millions) will die. Call of war. The worst thing is that the place which was bombed would mostly be inhabited by people who have nothing to do with the war apart from being citizens of that country. What kind of war is this?
I dont know what/when the third world war is going to be, however, seeing how things have been heating up between India and China, nobody would exclaim shock if something like that happens. And given Admiral Suresh Mehta's fair assessment of our military capability vis-a-vis China's, I dont think India would stand a realistic chance in a proper current-day war.
Which is why I have an alternative suggestion which is more evenly matched. What is the first thing that strikes your mind when you say evenly matched wrt India & China? Why, the population, of course! So here's what we should do - amass everyone you can on the border. It should be a proper Kurukshetra-range war - fight till death. Anybody and everybody should be at the border. The fighting methods should be hand-to-hand, swords, knives, guns and canons. That's it. No more modernity allowed. No air force. And humans should be used as canons. I strongly think we'd have a good chance then. Yes, China is still ahead population-wise, but apparently, we have more productive work-force. Besides, I should think we have more obese people than the Chinese. So use all these obese people as canons (only people, as I said earlier, no canon balls). Sumo wrestlers and all Japanese only, no? :D But yes, given their expertise in martial arts, maybe they retain the advantage again. But then, someone said Indians can mokka-pottufy better than Chinese. Ha! Beat that! Since English is the only language we can easily communicate within ourselves, we use English with them too. Then, bring in Russell Peters on the Indian side to kalaaichufy them.

I think we'll just about win.