Saturday, December 8, 2012

My Best Friends' Wedding(s)

I'm not exactly the sort who gets sentimental in blogs and shares super-personal stuff here. Still, exceptions have to be made and like they say, there's always a first time in life.

My imagination is usually pretty fertile and for a few years now, me and my best buds (though tempted to give the number, which would be a sure giveaway, with much difficulty, I hold back) have been discussing possible scenarios - maritally speaking, for each/all of us - ororthankukku epdi patta ponnu varuvaa, kalayanathukku apparam ororuthanum epdi maruvaan, etc. Though it had been part of my thought process to be the last one to get hooked (you know, a kind of pseudo-feel-good thingy - as if I was karai-ethifying them before I settled down...), I had never envisioned a situation where "they" would be hooked at about the same time, leaving me in the lurch. It was always like - first, one would fall, then the rest of us would derive sadistic pleasure in seeing "the wall" crumble, alasify the fall like Kumudham, then the next guy would fall...and so on...till finally...ahem, I bit the bullet.

And so, it was really a bolt out of the blue when this happened. Within a short span of about 3 months, all of them are somewhere between going-to-be-engaged and going-to-be-married. I'd be lying if I said concerns of "solo" singularity (yes there is something like that) was NOT a concern, it obviously is, but is minimal at best. The more pressing concern, of course, is what would be going through my parents' minds - seeing their son's closest circle all having fallen like nine pins.

But this post is not really about either. It's about the impending "loss of control", for want of a better phrase. It's probably a very me-specific phenomenon, maybe not, but in all (or at least a lot of) friendships, there tends to be the more expressive, louder, more imposing person who thrusts his or her thoughts & opinions on the other(s). In my case, I'm that guy. I have always exercised this "control" over them. I have felt a sense of ownership. None of them are similar to me in most aspects - there's one that comes closest to me in most things and yet, a third person would hardly think there are similarities between the two of us. Hence, despite all claims of "control", "ownership", etc, they are very much their own men (yes, they're all guys...except one...) - I will not be able to make them do something that they don't want to, nor would I be able to convince them to accept my point of view if they aren't strongly convinced about it.
Yet, that feeling of ownership is there. Heck, it's almost 10 years now and it seems to me that I have always had this feeling about them.

And now that feeling is about to go. For all practical purposes, there is probably going to be hardly any change in our relationships per se, I have a very decent working relationship with one of the to-be-spouses already and don't expect to have major troubles with the others too. And communication-wise too, I think we will be able to maintain our existing level of communication. Still, there is that zing that is about to leave me. All said and done, when the "she" of each of their lives comes, it is inevitable that theirs is the partnership that is going to be acknowledged and practised on a daily basis. None of them is going to become any less communicative with me, sure, but human psychology works in strange ways. It isn't that they have been talking to me on a daily basis all these days - but these days, even if they don't talk to me for a day, my mind immediately starts thinking - "Cha, *avo* vandhadhu lerndhu naai romba maarittaan. Inime ippadi thaan." *sniff* And then I whack my head and tell myself - "Hold it, they haven't particularly reduced talking to me, have they? And really, what's wrong if they spend more time with their to-be-spouses?" Possessiveness is a good way to describe what I have, though not all-encompassing.

Yeah yeah, I know what you're all thinking - that this rant is mainly thanks to my continued singularity. Not that this isn't a factor - the rant - sure thing, but for what I have expressed in the rant - pretty sure my singularity isn't.

There is this already-existent-but-invisible bond that exists between single guys. So when you consider single guy best friends, the bonding is obviously going to be that much more. And when that "single" factor goes away, happy occasion though it might be, "ennamo aedho..." happens.

Sigh. Much as I am sad about this newly introduced hold-back factor, must admit that I have succeeded in karai-ethifying my friends. (Fail aanadhukku bit'tu.)

And I wonder, innum evlo naalukku dhaan ippadi bitt'a pottu oora emaathardhu.
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