Saturday, August 23, 2008

The ineligibility of my Bachelorhood

I don't know why my life seems quite cinematic right now. The previous post about my corporate party was one of success (quite cinematic at that, too).

PS Warning: If you're not one for tragedies or not-so-happy movies, then this post probably isn't a good read for you. Yes, it's a sad story, not the typical happy-go-lucky kind of story which has a happy ending. In fact, this one's tragedy is quite entertaining, though there is, thus far, no ending. So if you don't mind entertainment even if it's sad, stay on.

Male/23/Tamil Vadama/S/W Engineer-USA (5-figure salary)/Never Married/Teetotaler/Strict Vegetarian/Orthodox Brahmin Boy seeks girl with "a few" 'qualities'.

(PS 1.1: Remember that English lesson we learnt in school way back explaining the difference between "a few" and "few"?

PS 1.2: Note the different quotes.)

Ladies and gentlemen, mama's and mami's, machan's and machi's - NO, that is Just Not a sought-after profile in matrimonial circles nowadays. Absolut No. What a misleading world this is! There was no specific intention to publish this post on this particular day, I'd started this a few weeks back, it was on the back-burners, but now that the time has come, I chuckled at the coincidence and thought – let's increase the comedy.

But yes, the profile you saw above is actually a major misnomer - both from the point of view of the type of guy who advertises it and the girl who reads it. Girls these days, though externally professing such desires (the number on the other side, i.e. those that openly say that they dont want such guys - is also on the rise). Since the post refers to Brahmin guys, let's just also restrict our scope of girls to Brahmin girls, since they are most likely (or should it be least unlikely?) to read through more, given such a profile. So yes, many of today's girls actually look for much more (Well, it's actually good that they look for much more, but what 'much more' is, is what matters). Gone are the days when girls looked for guys with a decent enough pocket who are quite contented with life and tend to think about "higher" things. One recent case was of a friend's cousin (girl) who works in an IT company back home (yeah, where else?) getting a relatively decent paycheck of about 30K whom a guy had seen (not the "seeing", more of "paakkardhu" type :D). Incidentally, the guy, though earning more than the girl, was in the immediate vicinity as far as financial consideration was concerned. So our girl rejects him saying she was looking at raking in 50K in another couple of years, and that the guy did not have much chance to rake in the moolah by a larger deal. That's that.

Then, there's the issue of being "modern". Even "aacharamaana namblava aathu ponnu"s from W.Mambalam and Mylapore and Nanganallur insist on wearing Jeans and T-shirts and what-not, irrespective of their size or the feel-good-factor. And I’m confronted with - "It's time you grow up, stop thinking like a 1950's mama. There's nothing wrong in doing it as long as it isn't bad or vulgar." Adiyei, It's just not about that. Why the heavens do you want to do something that is not bad just because you feel HAVE to do it? Why do you want to do it when you are perfectly comfortable with how you are right now?

And then, there's this concept of beliefs. No no, I'm not even going to touch upon Brahminism or anything. Simple aspects like eating non-veg, drinking, smoking, etc. It was shocking for me to learn about the overwhelming majority of namblava aathu ponnunga who were not even slightly bothered about any of this. Well, "thankfully we are not into any of it" they say. =)) And, sometimes, it's a matter of pride to do it (thanni-non veg) in social circles. "Ada aama pa...marandhe poitten".

And of course - Amarikka aasai. Settle aaganumaama. Green card vaanganumaama. Kadavul bhakti vera - almost like non-veg, et al. They have it, they are not too bothered about whether their husbands have it.

History of the accident and geography of the incident - read college kasa-musa's of the girl (increasingly increasing) should be strictly ignored. And they are not bothered much about the guy's as well.

And then -

Well, of course, I'm not (yet) dumb enough to purely believe the usual sleaze-related bullshit TimesOfIndia regularly churns out. But...(read BUT)

Ennavo ponga pa. Idhukku mela enna solla? Nalla pasanga innum indha oorla irukkaanga. Guys who actually mean such stuff do exist. But girls who expect such stuff don’t seem to, rather…are either already taken or are rapidly diminishing.

I feel old. I feel philosophical. I feel funny. I feel old-fashioned. I feel outdated. I feel like a rebel rebelling against rebels. I feel out of place. I feel single.

And that’s why I know I am the most ineligible bachelor in the world right now.

And I feel good.