Ranbir Kapoor Urban Employment Generation Scheme

The star-power of the Gandhi family. An unending supply of funds courtesy the national exchequer. The glamour of economists like Jean Dreze & Amartya Sen. A proven intellectual like Dr.Manmohan Singh.
All of these contributed to create the Mahatma Gandhi National Rural Employment Guarantee Scheme.

Now, replace . . .
1. Gandhi family with Kapoor family
2. National Exchequer with Sajid Nadiadwala
3. Jean Dreze & Amartya Sen with Deepika Padukone
4. Dr Manmohan Singh with Imtiaz Ali

What you get is Tamasha. A movie that makes you question the very purpose of film-making. The movie was very thought-provoking in the sense that there were umpteen moments throughout when I would sit and wonder - why did they have to make this movie? And every single time, I came up with the same answer - MNREGS.

Imtiaz Ali, by now, has a reputation as a good director. The incumbent Kapoor is Ranbir. Glamour-flavour of the season, of course Deepika. And of course, Sajid Nadiadwala for money. So now they hunted for a plot. Of course, boy-accidentally-meets-girl-in-exotic-foreign-location. That is ok, but hasn't it been done to death? Ummm, ok. So let's make it intellectuaaal (Banno tera swagger lage saaaxy). We'll try to intellectualize emotions. You know, both will be common folks. But they'll meet at this god-awesome exotic locale and be completely filmy characters. Then they'll come back to India and become normal again. Then there'll be emotional turmoil. Oh yes and plenty of scope for "acting", at least for Ranbir.
I understand split personality, I understand multiple personality disorder, I also know of special children. But Ranbir's acting transcended all this. In that he tried to exhibit one or more of all this and ended up portraying himself much beyond any of this. And ends up irritating you to nails-scratching-blackboard levels.
Deepika has had the same steady level of acting since her first movie. When the camera's not focussing on either her superbly-toned legs (there's this hilarious moment when she wakes up from bed fully clothed - a kurti on top and leggings upto her ankle. Then she sees Ranbir playing football with a couple of kids. She goes down to get coffee after changing...into hot shorts :D) or her dimples, she's trying to emote in that perennially half-choked voice of hers.

The thing with Prem Ratan Dhan Payo was that it didn't take itself seriously. It was a dumb movie from end to end and made no pretense about being otherwise. It didn't take itself seriously which contributed to some hilarity from time to time. Tamasha, while attempting to be fun, is not. It's a movie which (apparently) seeks to explore the finer nuances of human emotions blah blah.

Tamasha could very well be renamed RKUEGS.

Jai Bajrang Bali!

It is probably an indicator of the sorry state of Indian cinema (as a whole) that you're left wondering in amazement if you've really seen two back-to-back Indian movies that not only *didn't* make you cringe, but actually left you with a contented feel when you exited the cinema theatre.

Stripped to its bare essentials and bereft of all intellectual over-complications, a movie can be judged by how it left you feeling when you take those few steps from your seat in the movie hall till you exit the building. Unless you are one of a handful of people in this world, the probability of you reviewing the movie in those precious few minutes tends to one. And this is quite a definitive opinion to hold.
And by this method, both Baahubali​ and Bajrangi Bhaijaan​ are resounding successes.

Since reviews/opinions of Baahubali are dime a dozen and the fact that I agree, by and large, with most positive reviews, I'll dedicate this post only to #BajrangiBhaijaan.

Shortly after the movie starts, your first impressions of the movie (after, of course, noticing how cute the girl is) are -
1. Bhai's dance steps reminded me of Rajinikanth's dance moves ever since he turned 50. And what's with the constipated look? Was he trying to be funny, cute or both?
2. How Kareena Klux Klan is still eye-poppingly attractive in those chudidhars so many years after Jab We Met.
3. How it must be such a hard time to be a left-liberal these days - if Baahubali's not-only-unabashed but also in-your-face Hinduism wasn't enough, we now have Bhai playing a Hanuman-bhakt who keeps chanting "Jai Shri Ram", even to Pakistani Rangers. #BurreDin indeed. :D
4. Sallu bhai, however your subtle point about the RSS being a political body was not missed. Like at all. ;)

And then Harshaali Malhotra takes over. And HOW! Her initial cuteness is merely a smokescreen to unprepare you for how she would later tug at your heartstrings. We all know how humans have this inherent *inability* to *not* fall for cuteness in children (notwithstanding the "all children are cute" epithet). Now add generous doses of innocence to that cuteness (it may be personal, but innocence has always ranked high on my list of attractiveness). Top that with mind-blowing expressions for every situation. What you get is the simply irresistible visage of Shahida.
At some point in the 2nd half of the movie, you reach a stage where every time she appears on screen, you either go "Awww" or there's a few droplets lurking in the corner of your eyes (monsoon has officially set in, no? :) ). It doesn't help that the cuteness gets compounded by actions such as her piggybacking on Bhai, her head-shake, her hand-shake, her holding the corn, her dropping the corn on the road, her curled up next to Bhai, her recording him on the video camera - so that's basically most of the scenes she appears on screen - you get the drift right? The girl carries the entire film on her fragile shoulders. Politically incorrect though it might be, but the movie wouldn't have been half as effective had the girl even been half as cute. However, credit where due - simply being cute would hardly have sufficed. And that's where all that I've said above comes into the picture.

Sallu bhai has played very well. No not his role, but the overall scheme of things - a role which doesn't require much histrionics (KKK fell in love with him in approximately 4.5 minutes and 3 scenes) but allows him to express essential emotions at strategic locations - a fight, an intro dance - just about enough to establish his mass'ness.

Nawazuddin Siddiqui​ is officially my favouritest character artiste today. I have begun to adore him as much as I felt Irrfan Khan​ was overrated. The screen lights up every time he appears. Life's unfairness hits you when you see him and Salman Khan​ share screen-space and you realize how famous each person is.

And the rest - well Harshaali is simply awesome to take over. But credit again to Sallu bhai for choosing such a script. By the end of the movie, there would probably have been 3 people in the movie hall who didn't shed a tear - all 3 being the security personnel waiting to show directions.

A movie has won if the audience know what's going to happen in the climax but are waiting for that exact same thing to happen with the eagerness of a child - which is exactly what happens here.

With all the essential ingredients taken care of (Harshaali, her looks, her expressions, her actions), the director just needed to ensure he didn't mess up the other aspects. And he doesn't.
A movie with an excuse for a story, a superstar for a hero and an angel for everything else - #BajrangiBhaijaan is a tear-jerker alright but a tearing succcess all the way!

Kahani Chaar Khan'on Ki

Aamir Khan: The original chocolate-boy of Bollywood & the best-looking Khan (at least back when all Khans were young & good-looking without make-up). Decent-enough actor, somehow shot into "brilliant" actor status thanks to his knack of choosing cheesy scripts. Now, the consummate marketer, he'd give IIM-MBA's a run for their money.
Note: Sarfarosh & RDB don't automatically imply he is patriotic (he might be the most patriotic of all the Khans but that's not much to go by, is it? ;)

Saif Ali Khan: Easily the least successful of all the Khans, he has exactly one good movie to his credit (where he didn't make an ass of himself, which is why I excluded Dil Chahta Hai). His only other notable Bollywood-success is hooking up with a 100-times more successful Kareena Kapoor.
Most Notable guest appearance: "The Buck Stops Here", starring Shirtless Khan.

Salman Khan: No shi(r)t. Aishwarya Rai. Drunk-driving. Katrina Kaif. Period.

Shah Rukh Khan: Easily the best actor among the Khans, sadly stopped acting in good movies after 2000. Currently trying very hard to emulate Aamir Khan in marketing, but falls flat. Where Aamir slickly markets his movies with/without controversy, this guy just Kkkk...Khan't do it without making noise.

Points to Ponder - Jai Singh Rathore

After my 10th or 11th viewing of Jaane Tu...Ya Jaane Na, I just couldn't help but dedicate a few words to that supremely affable and cute character played by Imraan Khan in his debut role - Jai Singh Rathore. Apart from his bloody brilliant looks (seriously, despite being a proper guy, even I was quite smitten by Imraan's absolutely chocolatey-boy looks. After a long time, we have a genuinely good-looking chocolate-boy hero who can act, well, at least Imraan did a wonderful job in Jaane Tu. The last time we had something similar happening was this. But anyways, chocolate heroes aren't my focus. Jai Singh Rathore - that ever-so-polite "Ranjore-ka-Rathore" with such a sweet and delightful non-violent character whose instincts get provoked into action on an attack on his mom or his love/girlfriend. Amit (Aditi's brother in the movie) brilliantly described it when he said - "Jai Singh Rathore, har waqt itna sweet, itna polite? Tum apne aap se bore nahin hote ho?" Probably because the contrast is so stark, I was driven to think of myself, looking at Jai's character.

(It's an entirely different issue that struck me on different lines - why we always try to see ourselves as the protagonists. In this movie especially, barring Sushant Modi [Aditi's fiance] and to a much lesser extent, Mala [Jiggy's girlfriend, the airhostess to whom the story is narrated], all the characters were very very endearing. Personally, Jai and I are as different as thakkaali thokku and keera koottu, still, I, like most others I am sure, tried to relate myself to Jai, though each of the other characters is as good as him. Self importance does irritate me sometimes [:(].

Note: But this is not the reason why I was compelled to think of myself on looking at Jai.)

I Will not comment much on the "endearing" part - there definitely is a minority to which (I think) I am that (endearing), but to an overwhelming majority, I probably am somewhere between avoidable and nothing special (for various reasons). Nevertheless, one of the most earth-shattering differences was in how patient, calm and collected Jai was compared to the "ticking time bomb waiting to explode"+"rabid dog" that my best friend 1.1 described me to be. Well, he probably wasn't entirely right, but there are easily-mentionable instances when I have been exactly what he said. I was going to write a blog post a few months back titled - "Depression Waxing, Tolerance Waning" or something on those lines, primarily describing how increasingly irritated I am becoming here, in Chicago, being away from home and familiar faces/territory, despite it being a good 2+ years since I came here. Even if this homesickness and pointlessness is the reason for all my "intolerance" and easily ignitable temper, it's still a weak justification for being rude to and snapping at people. I mean there are people who deserve rudeness and scorn, but what's the point? Jokes apart, I find it more irritating to remain dumbly non-reactive and quiet as opposed to saying what you feel, assuming of course that it is "absolutely" right. My problem was/is that sometimes, I felt the wrong thing (misplaced anger?) and more so, conveying what you feel must also be done to the right people, well, at least, not-the-wrong-ones.

Still, Jai is supremely gifted. He wasn't dumb, he wasn't a jada-prabhu. Among my friends, there are some who come close to possessing many of the attributes like patience/politeness/calmness/non-anger that Jai possesses. Keshav, would be the foremost, but no - though he is affable and easily liked owing to (apart from his drop-dead-gorgeous-looks) his calm demeanour and oh-so-polite nature, he is exceptionally slothy. There can never be an energy about him or a spring in his step - he can either amble along or walk. If he is enthu about something, and tries to have a spring in his step, he ends up doing something which becomes a cross between bouncing and bobbing (awkwardly). But the main difference between him and Jai is that Keshav is more brotherly than boyfriendily. Jai was caring and concerned, still, he was also boyfriendily. No harm in being anna, but if you become "engal anna" for everyone, then how will you become "yennaa..." for someone? Talking about which, another person who is closer to Jai than Keshav is Anand - my classmate from DAV and one of my really really good friends. Though I never realized it in school, he seems to have been this typical Jai'ish character, though there were no suitable Aditi's around (Loo isn't Kaali Billi :D), nor was there a very wonderful circle of boy-girl friends. My mom probably was one of the first to enlighten me in this regard (that too, thanks to akka, courtesy loo, I guess), and after that, I have really realized that side of him. Quite definitely good looking (maybe not in the league of Jai, still belonging to the top league of good-looking guys) Very non-committal without being aloof, caring & concerned without being loud & imposing (aka me), gentle, calm, etcetera.

Typical Example: Another of those intense conversations between (main group) me, Karthik, Keshav, Tejaswi, (sub-group) Suresh and Anand about kalaachaara azhivu, hypocrisy, pseudo-religionists, pseudo-Brahmins, blah blah -

On Thu, Sep 11, 2008 at 3:18 PM, cowmaaa wrote:

http://thisdaythisage.blogspot.com/2008/09/revealation.html#links

This hawkeye guy (***'s cousin) is seriously getting onto my nerves. Tejaswi, see the comments and tell me how else hypocrisy would be defined?

On Thu 9/11/2008 4:42 PM, Anand Balakrishnan wrote:

yevan yepdi irindha yenna da...

Though I was rotfl when Tejaswi said - "Ivan enna da Dr.Rajashekar padam range'lareact panraan - Evana irundha enakkena, andha maadhiri irukku!", Anand's penchant for avoiding unnecessary perturbation/controversy was evident, in his own cute way (I am told girls luvv this :P). Recently, our man has had a totally unexpected fan on his blog asking him when he is going to post next, based on 1-2 blog posts [:D]. Adhaan Anand.

There's another DAV-best-buddy - Suresh, who is more or less similarly likable (especially to gals) without being this eternally calm smile-on-the-face guy, he does be animated many times, still is more than quite compatible and his-company-is-enjoyable-to-a-lot-of-people character. Coming to think of it, Suresh is as fair as Jai, and definitely comparably good-looking.

Which brings me back to the villain of this whole post - yours truly (No, I am seriously not seeking public sympathy {though I could do with some ;)}, just trying to critique myself objectively and honestly). Sometimes, I feel foolish because I have an opinion on a lot of things in life. Most often, I take things seriously, and just cannot bear to see them happen. That doesn't mean to say that I am a very good samaritan or a wonderful human being (I might be one, I don't know :P). But it sort of becomes a problem when the perturbation shows in me - it could either be my anger, sorrow, depression or simply feeling bad/upset about stuff, but I show it, and take things to heart - even stuff totally not personal to me, some Brahmin boy somewhere in the world might be eating cow dung's perpetrator or some Muslim guy might be marrying a Christian girl. Which is not Jai. Jai is a good guy, he does lots of things for his friends, like going to the hospital at 5 in the morning because his friend's cat died (No, unlike others, I think he would've done this for Rothlu, Shaleen, Bombs or Jiggy too, only with Aditi - it's personal, that's the difference). But he is cool and patient. I just am not. :(

Just yesterday, I had to sound off myself to this poor creature because she childishly did something brilliantly dumb like pasting a needless-yet-potentially-controversial YM chat in my scrapbook. Period.

Yes, that might be my "individuality" or whatever you call it. But, sometimes, it's better being something not-unpreferable (calm/cool/composed/patient/tolerant) to what you are sometimes better off not being (even if it gives you your identity and people like you for this not-so-preferable trait), if it is not going to have any substantially positive effect.

Bah, I just adore Jai Singh Rathore.

Open Question to anyone who watched Jaane Tu..: In that awesome scene when Jai walks into his house whistling and with a spring in his step which his "The-Beauty-Myth-by-Naomi-Wolf"-reading mom classically captures ("Jai Singh Rathore, honton pe seethi, chaal mein ujhal, maajra kya hai?"), to which Jai says he has a girl-friend, his mom then lists her correct observations about the romantic tangle in his group (Jai:Aditi + Rothlu->Aditi + Boms->Jai => Boms:Rothlu), Jai (with a cute wave of his hand :D) says in an exasperated tone, "Mom...good night". Does that mean Jai thinks what his mom says is wrong/absurd, or does he know what she says has a semblance of truth, but doesn't want to consider it?