Please excuse me for overhyping the life of an ordinary guy like me by comparing something in my life with celebrity issues like Pulli Raja, Arjun'oda amma and P=NP, but I couldn't resist it, because it just described the scenario perfectly. - My former room-mate Amit and I were returning the rental car after a whirlwind 1-day trip to the Niagara Falls when we felt that 1 day is enough to see the main attractions there. That's when I quipped (needlessly, in retrospection :P) that though 1 day would suffice just to see the main attractions there, it would, nevertheless, be enjoyable to spend 2-3 days just ambling around with one's girl (after marriage, obviously). I kind of semi-drifted into a romantic setting, imagining (myself or someone else, not sure) the guy walking with the girl, his hand lightly on her shoulders and both just close enough to feel the scent of the other, the guy feeling the girl's hair's fragrance (this makes me positively think I might be the guy {I have always been fascinated by penngalin koondhal, though I have never really had the opportunity to smell anyone's or had the cinematic experience of a girl's menmaiyaana koondhal brushing past my face}, esp. ever since knowing why Nakkeerar was burnt with the Lord's third Eye). - Well of course, I'm a 10% Ram Sena-type and would obviously get just about close with my wife in public, whether the place be Nandanam Signal or Niagara Falls, I especially detest the kaiya-pudichu-squeezing, thol-mela-saanjindu-irukki-pudichukkara type, which Surya so classically kalaaichufies in Mounam Pesiyadhe. So when I told all this to Amit, he looked at me, positively startled and asked - "Kya tujhe ye sab karne ki iccha hai kya?" Meaning, "Oh, so you are interested in doing such things is it?" Though I have a fairly good grasp of Hindi, I didn't get what he asked me for an instant, but recovered and replied that of course, I too was a normal Pulsar and would like to do "such things". He smirked and said, "Bhai, if you have such lofty ambitions, it's time you get started with the hunt pretty soon. Going by who you are and how you are, either you should perform a search as incredible as Google*Bing*Yahoo or radically reduce the imaginations of your (pipe) dreams." Ok, not in those same words, but something to that extent. (Incidentally, though we had gone to the Falls with my parents as well, I told him this when they weren't in the car, so that spared me a few blushes. :P) - That's when I realized how badly I have scared people around me about myself. And going by the way things appear to be going, a peek into the future took me well into the past - for no surprising reason, I think I will, if and when I marry, have the reaction that that bloke from Chinna Thambi has, when he is being taken to marry Prabhu's mom, shouting "Enakku Kalyanam...Enakku Kalyanam." I couldn't help, but laugh at myself. :D
Locality of Reference - (Courtesy: thalaivar Simbu :P) - Lakshmi, Padmini, Vidya, Rekha, Sita, Gita or Vinitha...
Ok, so without misleading you to any further misconceptions, let me assure you that I am not likening myself (us) to either hero (Sidharth or Simbu). Well, actually, only Sidharth is relevant here, primarily due to the "We need a Juliet"-factor, only, in our case, we'd probably be needing any of the names above and not a "Juliet". By we, it's primarily me and my closest buds (for sake of privacy, I am not mentioning the names of my upto-now-and-currently-single 2 best friends, kh kh kh). We have wondered, more out of jobless dejection & job/post-MSEC induced frustration added by a (minor but not-insignificant) dose of post-teenage testosterone, about how better life would be if we had had a girlfriend/lover/soulmate. Obviously, nalla pasanga naanga, so any of the 3 words would refer to a girl each of us intended to marry and took seriously, as opposed to kadalai or flirting or time-pass. Another major influence on us thinking on these lines is the abundance of couples (married or committed) that surround us. And the list seems to rapidly increase by the day (with the addition of another new member barely a few weeks back). So please...before any of you term us "despos", take into consideration all these factors. That being said, if you still think we are despos, we probably are! :P But why I actually feel we are technically not despos is because, primarily, we best friends have been separated by physical distance. Leave alone best friends, even good friends that were made in college aren't around. Not that we are totally isolated wherever we are. I, for one, am blessed with 3-4 wonderful friends here in Chicago. Yes, the number might not be large, but I'm ok with this small number as long as they are genuine people and good folks, as opposed to kooth-adichufying junta and for-the-sake-of-freaking-out gumbal. Let me confess (with a sheepish expression on the face in the mind), I haven't touched liquor or smoked or been to, ahem, well...Ok, that's not entirely true. I've handled dozens of bottles of alcohol while working at the departmental store, and personally sold tons of cigarettes, besides a few con***s (including one to a 70-something guy who insisted on lubricated ones). And yes, I've been to a disco 2 times (the second time to show my very-interested friend another of the grandeurs of Chicago :D). But the point is, I sometimes feel I haven't a 'strong' "gang" here due to these not-so-sociable habits of mine (which includes not eating out at non-vegetarian restaurants => only Arya Bhavan, Udupi Palace, Mysore Woodlands and Uru Swathi are the 4 realistic options [:-(] I have here). So this is bullshit right - not having friends because of some extrinsic supposedly good habits? Yes pure bullshit, I think the reasoning is as flawed as can be. Which can only mean I've woven myself into a shell. But I don't remember being this unfriendly or unsociable or introverted kind of bloke back home, especially towards the latter stages of college life. Whatever. But this whole analysis of friends and their availability/proximity (lack of, more like) was because I personally feel we, being social animals, need likable and like companionship to row along life. If we take out family and close friends, the next available option appears to be, logically and in the current chronological scenario, soulmate/girlfriend/lover-girl. Seriously, I don’t at all think I would be ruing my singularity if I were in Chennai with Keshav and my parents around me (besides MSEC :D), or, [realized-more-recently] in Silicon Valley, where more known-to-me people live than I ever knew were in the US. My life demands a sense of familiarity, I think. So what's with being single? Just that we are ready to mingle. And do some jingle (Lame rip-off from Jeppiaar...kindly adjust). So the major advantage (among others...;) of being committed to a female is that you can, without any major health-related worries, be synesthetic. Like feeling caterpillars-in-their-final-stages-of-life in your stomach when thinking about somebody. Like feeling physically hungry and totally satisfied/contented at the same time. Like being reasonlessly crazily happy from time to time. Well probably not entirely only these chilly peelings, but see the point? Like I'm not sure what I want a girl for...I mean, I don’t think it's fair for me to be committed just because of some situational requirements and logistical constraints. Like I am not entirely convinced I would want to have a romantically-inclined-feminine-soul-mate if I was back at home, or in the midst of friends someplace like SJC. Yes, I would love to have this girl I have so fallen for. Someone I'm implicitly and explicitly mad about. Someone whom I would want to love loving. Quite romantic and nice to hear, but this should Happen right? As opposed to "want to happen", which, I think, is our dilemma right now. I, for sure, don't want to become committed to a poor girl because I'm far away from friends and parents and home, and because I feel left-out in this rat-race called "Get Committed". :D Just kidding all you lover-boys and lover-girls, before y'all start gunning for my head. You see, there is this fundamental difference between "need" and "want". And of course, there's the "it is destined"-factor (partly inspired from Slumdog Millionaire). Besides, there are quite a lot of responsibilities in a committed man's life. *Sigh* Ok so the responsibilities are not strictly confined to 1.5 mozham malligai poo and kaal kilo halwa (wait, this is only for the latter stages of involved+passionate+willing+{consciously-enjoying} commitment right?) alone. Lol, still, there is this sense of unbridled freedom in being single. No, I'm not talking about going for dates or sappaiya-sight-adikkardhu. But you seriously live life king-size. No, I really mean it. You save as you want, you spend as you want. You don't have to wait for a second opinion about spending for your friend or giving money to some needy soul. You don't have to bother about the uni-directional flow from your account to your parents' account. And you don't have to keep in mind that additional soul always (which is what I would do, if committed). Piss...And a few personal Problems - No no, I'm not going to crib about why (a lot of) girls don't like me or I don't get going with most of today's girls. That's secondary. In fact, that's quite insignificant and inconsequential. The thing is - I seem to have created such a hysteria wrt girls that if and when I get committed, whether or not I keep track of my female's dressing/habits/actions/words/thoughts/food-eaten/language-used/articles-read+written/degree-of-religiousness/customs-practiced/movies-liked/music-preferred/dupatta-worn/eyebrows-trimmed/etcetera, etcetera, etcetera, there's this overwhelming mass of my ardent friends who will be baying for the poor girl's blood more than me (which is quite something). And the poor girl will, I think, simply be swept off her (cute) feet. Spare her, no, let me spare her. :P Mothathla matter enna'na...chi, I sound like a local chilrai-philosopher. Ya, so this post, in effect, isn't a comparison between the advantages & disadvantages of being committed vs being single (Oh gosh, just the thought of such a tabular column is sending me into splits =)). And like you would (hopefully) have understood, it isn't a sob-story about the ineligibility of my bachelorhood either [:D]. Simply the realization that even if String theory IS indeed the theory of everything, you haven't understood it until you actually know it. Likewise, there is no point in wanting to fall in love for mortal reasons. Love is divine...(Ok, I give up, I couldn't control my laughter). Logically, you aren't in love until you Are in love. And you definitely will not BE in love if you WANT to be in love. (Dho soltaarra Governor'u). Adhaagapattadhu ennavendraal...ippo inge Juliet maadhiri oru ponnu irundhaalum prayojanam illaiyaam. And what if never happens? Let's just reserve that judgement for later, shall we? ;D
PPS: This post was begun a few weeks before my CA trip, but due to logistical reasons, could not be continued ;).
I don't know why my life seems quite cinematic right now. The previous post about my corporate party was one of success (quite cinematic at that, too).
PS Warning: If you're not one for tragedies or not-so-happy movies, then this post probably isn't a good read for you. Yes, it's a sad story, not the typical happy-go-lucky kind of story which has a happy ending. In fact, this one's tragedy is quite entertaining, though there is, thus far, no ending. So if you don't mind entertainment even if it's sad, stay on.
Male/23/Tamil Vadama/S/W Engineer-USA (5-figure salary)/Never Married/Teetotaler/Strict Vegetarian/Orthodox Brahmin Boy seeks girl with "a few" 'qualities'.
(PS 1.1: Remember that English lesson we learnt in school way back explaining the difference between "a few" and "few"?
PS 1.2: Note the different quotes.)
Ladies and gentlemen, mama's and mami's, machan's and machi's - NO, that is Just Not a sought-after profile in matrimonial circles nowadays. Absolut No. What a misleading world this is! There was no specific intention to publish this post on this particular day, I'd started this a few weeks back, it was on the back-burners, but now that the time has come, I chuckled at the coincidence and thought – let's increase the comedy.
But yes, the profile you saw above is actually a major misnomer - both from the point of view of the type of guy who advertises it and the girl who reads it. Girls these days, though externally professing such desires (the number on the other side, i.e. those that openly say that they dont want such guys - is also on the rise). Since the post refers to Brahmin guys, let's just also restrict our scope of girls to Brahmin girls, since they are most likely (or should it be least unlikely?) to read through more, given such a profile. So yes, many of today's girls actually look for much more (Well, it's actually good that they look for much more, but what 'much more' is, is what matters). Gone are the days when girls looked for guys with a decent enough pocket who are quite contented with life and tend to think about "higher" things. One recent case was of a friend's cousin (girl) who works in an IT company back home (yeah, where else?) getting a relatively decent paycheck of about 30K whom a guy had seen (not the "seeing", more of "paakkardhu" type :D). Incidentally, the guy, though earning more than the girl, was in the immediate vicinity as far as financial consideration was concerned. So our girl rejects him saying she was looking at raking in 50K in another couple of years, and that the guy did not have much chance to rake in the moolah by a larger deal. That's that.
Then, there's the issue of being "modern". Even "aacharamaana namblava aathu ponnu"s from W.Mambalam and Mylapore and Nanganallur insist on wearing Jeans and T-shirts and what-not, irrespective of their size or the feel-good-factor. And I’m confronted with - "It's time you grow up, stop thinking like a 1950's mama. There's nothing wrong in doing it as long as it isn't bad or vulgar." Adiyei, It's just not about that. Why the heavens do you want to do something that is not bad just because you feel HAVE to do it? Why do you want to do it when you are perfectly comfortable with how you are right now?
And then, there's this concept of beliefs. No no, I'm not even going to touch upon Brahminism or anything. Simple aspects like eating non-veg, drinking, smoking, etc. It was shocking for me to learn about the overwhelming majority of namblava aathu ponnunga who were not even slightly bothered about any of this. Well, "thankfully we are not into any of it" they say. =)) And, sometimes, it's a matter of pride to do it (thanni-non veg) in social circles. "Ada aama pa...marandhe poitten".
And of course - Amarikka aasai. Settle aaganumaama. Green card vaanganumaama. Kadavul bhakti vera - almost like non-veg, et al. They have it, they are not too bothered about whether their husbands have it.
History of the accident and geography of the incident - read college kasa-musa's of the girl (increasingly increasing) should be strictly ignored. And they are not bothered much about the guy's as well.
Well, of course, I'm not (yet) dumb enough to purely believe the usual sleaze-related bullshit TimesOfIndia regularly churns out. But...(read BUT)
Ennavo ponga pa. Idhukku mela enna solla? Nalla pasanga innum indha oorla irukkaanga. Guys who actually mean such stuff do exist. But girls who expect such stuff don’t seem to, rather…are either already taken or are rapidly diminishing.
I feel old. I feel philosophical. I feel funny. I feel old-fashioned. I feel outdated. I feel like a rebel rebelling against rebels. I feel out of place. I feel single.
And that’s why I know I am the most ineligible bachelor in the world right now.
